Saturday, December 31, 2011

A Love Story II (Happy Loving New Year)

I end 2011 with a story about love. 

A long long time ago, actually, about the same time last year, I was being stupid for love. I don't know why, or how, or what for, but I did. Maybe because it was so fairy tale-ish. It was New Year's Eve. There were fireworks across the sky and you kissed the man you loved. You thought you found the man who'd love too. But hey! The truth is, SOMETIMES, life sucks. 

Not all fairy tales get happy endings. I stopped believing. I stopped hoping. I stopped waiting. Was love really supposed to be cruel? 

And then he came. When I've lost all the courage to fight for love. He came and showed me the other side of love. Love that is not cruel. 

Love that is kind. Love that is happy. Love that is beautiful. Love that is understanding. Love that is giving. Love that I deserve. 

This New Year's Eve, I think of him, not the fireworks and kisses, but how much I want him to be the BEST part of my 2012. 

I love you J. 

Happy New Year Everyone! Spread Some Love! :DDD   

Friday, December 30, 2011

A Hero Inspires

"As long as the Filipino people have not enough spirit to proclaim, brow held high and breast bared, their right to a free society, and to maintain it with their sacrifices, with their very blood; as long as we see our countrymen privately ashamed, hearing the cries of their revolted and protesting conscience, but silent in public, or joining the oppressor in mocking the oppressed; as long as we see them wrapping themselves up in their selfishness and praising the most iniquitous acts with forced smiles, begging with their eyes for a share of the booty, why give them freedom?" 
--El Filibusterismo by Jose Rizal

I remember reading an English "El Filibusterismo" (translated by Leon Ma. Guerrero) back in college when I was at the height of being radical and ideal. When I so wanted to give a fuck about anything, to do something, and to make a change. 

Jose Rizal and El Filibusterismo entered my life. I read of a man's desire to free his nation. El Filibusterismo was a living proof that pen is mightier than sword. 

And more than ever I dreamed to be a writer, a little like Rizal minus the greatness and international fame. I dreamed to make simple, little changes through words. I wanted pen and paper to become my tool for expression, and also, to always write with a message. 

Maybe that's what true heroes do. They teach you one of your life greatest lessons. They inspire you. 

***
Excerpt from "The First Filipino" by Leon Ma. Guerrero:

Once inside the square something of the searing realization of what death would mean went through him.

"Oh, Father, how terrible it is to die! he exclaimed. "How one suffers . . . "

Then: "Father, I forgive everyone from the bottom of my heart."

How strange he must have looked, in his black European suit and black derby, facing the eight Filipinos of the firing-squad in their tropical campaign uniforms and straw hats. It was almost as if this somberly garbed man between the two lamp-posts had been indeed a foreign agent from some cold hostile kingdom, and his executioners the true defenders of their native land. 

"My orders are to shoot you in the back.

"But I am not a traitor, either to my own country or to the Spanish nations!"

"My duty is to follow orders."

Rizal shrugged his shoulders, refused a blindfold, and would not kneel. He asked that his head be spared, and this time the request was granted. 

He clasped the hand of his defense counsel, and then said goodbye to the Jesuits who gave him a crucifix to kiss. The army doctor on duty asked to feel his pulse. It was admirably steady. 

He took his stand facing the bay, his back to the rising sun. The drums rolled, the shout of command was given, the Remingtons of the 70th fired. With one last convulsive effort of the will Rizal twisted his body rightward as he fell, his last sight being perhaps the hard empty eyes of the professional soldiers, companion in arms of those who had impassively lowered Tarsilo down the well and hunted down Elias as he swam in his own blood.

He was facing the dawn now, but this he was not to see. 

"Viva España!" screamed Doña Victorina in her elegant carriege. 

"Viva España!" shouted Father Damaso and added, shaking his fist, "Y murean los traidores!"

"Long live Spain and death to traitors!" But as the last Spaniards gave their ragged cheer, and the band of battalion of volunteers struck up, with unconscious irony, that hymn to human rights and constitutional liberties, the Marcha de Cadiz, the quiet crowd of Filipinos broke through the square, to make sure, said the Spanish correspondent, that the mythical, the godlike Rizal was really dead, or according to others, to snatch away a relic and keepsake and dip their handkerchiefs in a hero's blood. 

If he had seen them, the first Filipino would have known that he was not the last. 

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Defying Time

It's December. It's the last month of the year. It's telling us that a chapter of our lives is closing. It's asking us what have we done this year that really matter. And it's challenging us to be and do something even better for the coming year. 

What do I want to say? Honestly, I've got random things in my head but everything has got something to do with time. 

Ironic how we only realize how fast time is when we near the end of a race, and for this instance, the finishing line is 31st of December.

Like yesterday, a little reminder slapped me in the face and said "You've AGED!" Haha. Well, this little girl in our street I used to see as a little girl is not a little girl anymore. She's grown boobs. That does not happen in a blink of an eye. 

***
This year I learned how much my family matters to me. God is kind and is great. He extended our time to be together. 

Mama said over lunch on Sunday, "Masaya pa rin tayo, kumpleto tayo."

It's things like that that matter. 

***
I still work for a newspaper. Isang dyarista. Masaya. Talaga. 

But the time I've spent in this field tells me there's more, inside and outside this field. Next year, I need to be braver, bolder and better. 

***
For the first time in my life, I'm not afraid to fall. He is worth all the wait. 

Few knows that my favorite part during Christmas are the lanterns and lights, all those decorative things that glitter and glow. And so to see the most awaited part of the yuletide with him--lovely! Everything with him becomes extra special. 

***
As I post this, it automatically belongs to the past. But then, if I read this again, after days, after years, even after decades, I will return to this moment when I've written this. And then I'll feel that I defied time.