I really couldn't. Until I paused, thought, and looked back at my own 2012. Whatever happened to the year that the world would supposedly end?
Almost immediately, I realized it was the year that my boyfriend (whom I am deeply in love with) left for the United States of America.
With that thought, I was reminded that 2012 had been a year of happiness, sadness, despair, longing, frustration, hope, adjustment and recovery (in no particular order because the following emotions recur regularly and interchangeably), all from love that was lost physically and regained spiritually.
Long-distance relationships (LDR) would never be easy. So for my own (with a defeated pride) "looking back at 2012 story," I would like to share my experiences on our one-of-a-kind love affair. Also, I believe these things were the ones that significantly shaped me this 2012.
In case you would ever wear my shoes, here are my phases of LDR.
Phase 1: The looming
This was the whole period in which you were already aware that the person--you waited for so long--will leave you one of these days. The one who finally gave you the love you deserved would go away.
It's not yet soon. It was later but still the feeling was there. The inevitable looming feeling that you would rather not think about but do so. You always tried kicking it out of your thoughts. It would be successful at times, but it's just there. The f*cking truth looms.
Phase 2: The coming
Of course, the time to leave would not be forever "later". Sooner and sooner it would come. Until it's already so soon all you'd ever want was to be with each other all the time.
And the most unacceptable part of it was, you couldn't because other important matters hindered you. But, you'd still do anything just to be together. Which made this phase the most tiring one.
But it didn't matter, really. It was time and memories and experiences together that were on the line. You couldn't exchange those for anything.
Phase 3: The questioning
The last three days before he left. Loads and loads of confrontations over and over again. It was like understanding what was already understood. Questioning why fate made things as it were. Everything was supposed to be perfect.
Seemed nothing really was ever perfect.
Phase 4: The depressing
The day of departure and the first week that followed: Emptiness. You were crying every single moment you could. Depression at its finest.
Phase 5: The accepting
The first month of being away from each other. You were here and he was there. You took everything in. Shit happened. So you were left to make things work.
And with all your effort, heart and soul into it, you realize that love existed even over distance and time. You could feel it and nothing seemed wrong again.
It sounded easy enough but no. Quarrels and questions still happened in between but they were all part of the challenge. So you had to understand one another, for at this point of time, more or less, you already knew each other.
Phase 6: The adjusting
After the first month and so on. You pretty much had built a world of relationship over distance and time, over the world wide web. Normalized everything. You existed in one another's world even without actually being there.
These included knowing what was happening on his part of the world, and what was happening on her part of the world. Like you knew if he was sleeping, eating, working, playing, and thinking of you--even without him telling you.
These simple things were enough to make you two happy. Normal right!
Phase 7: The waiting
The present time onward. Your time together would come. You believed in this for you loved him like you never loved anyone before. The mere thought that you would never be together again ached your heart.
So you would wait all the wait it would ever take. And when it happened, nothing would ever tear you apart again. Never again.
Phase in between: The longing
Need I explain this? Forever longing. Period.
So there, my 2012. A year of roller coaster love with lots of ups and downs. But just like the end of every roller coaster ride there is fulfillment. I am happy for everything that I ever did for us.
So I welcome 2013 with bigger love! :)
