Highway

Let me tell you of the loneliest road trip of my life. 

It happened when the man I love most was sitting and sleeping beside me inside a cramped car, and yet, despite the closeness, I knew that he was about to go some where far away. And I dreaded the thought the most. 

But I couldn't help but think of it. We still had some more time together. Like now. It was dawn then. It was dawn. And the car was keeping a steady and speedy phase. The highway was clean, few cars either passed us by, or was already up ahead of us on the long road. 

I was seated next to the right door and window, meaning he was seating at my left. Note that I had the right view. 

Meanwhile, his dad was the one steering the wheel and beside him was his mom. We were on our way for a week-long vacation. My excitement was vanishing. 

I felt his warmth beside me, but I did not look at him. I was only looking outside the window and everything was gray. The leaves of the sporadic trees lined up along the road were dull. Green was my favorite color, but not that time. The the lampposts, the soil, the grass, the rice fields, the mountains far beyond were all gloomy. 

Were dawns supposed to be that tragic? You knew the darkness of the night was over and yet, were was the light?

That moment of searching seemed to reflect what was brewing inside me. Were was my happiness? Wasn't this heavy man, whose weight was upon me, supposed to bring me happiness? 

And for the first time ever, I realized he was bringing me loneliness. He was leaving me for another country, a different life. I would be left here. He was bound there. And what would happen to us? 

Questions. Doubts. Fear. These flooded my mind. Why did fate chose to pull us apart? I was tormenting. And the absence of life on the road and the view was intensifying everything. And it just kept stretching on and on, the south-bound super highway. 

Suddenly, I just wanted to hold him tight. So I faced him. 

And what I saw was beyond me or him. It was beyond everything. It was the break of dawn. There was the light. It was with him all along. 

The sun was but a tiny spec on the horizon but it was already brightly orange-lit. The sky on his side was starting to get infected by the blaze. Crimson shades were starting to further out. And the vibrant light was seeping into the leaves of the trees giving it a lovely glow. 

There was so much color already and in no time, my side of the horizon will be reached as well. 

I rested my head on his shoulder to wonder some more on this beautiful thing. Sometimes, one only needed a change of perspective. 

An Open Letter to JC Abueg

An open letter to the man...
...that shows me kindness;
offers me trust;
gives me happiness;
completes my life;
loves me, and I love back.
This letter is for the man named JC Abueg, solely for him. Only, I am letting you, and everybody else, read it as well. Because, I want the world to know how much I love him. Just so he knows how much I am truly proud of him.

Dear Mahal, 

Happy first anniversary. Just saying it makes me smile. :) One year--such a small digit but it already means a lot to me, and I know, to you as well. 

So much so that I don't even know where to begin with! I wish there's some kind of chronological order for explaining things like falling in love that I can follow. 

But there's none. So I will follow my heart instead. 

And the first thing it says is: I love you. 

I love you. 

Saying that feels enough already. I could already end this letter! Kidding! I won't coz that's boring (especially for your other readers). ;)

*** The second thing that comes to my mind is: Thank you. 

Thank you for everything! And everything means EVERYTHING! The kisses, the touches, the hugs, and, sorry but I have to stop there! :P 

Thank you also for your kindness, for the trust, for your efforts, and for including me in your lifelong plans. 

Thank you for always thinking of me. I know you always think of me. 

Thanks because you still miss me as if you just went to a faraway land yesterday. Your longing for me does not wane, rather it seems to intensify the longer we spend time "not together." And I think that is good. I don't want us getting very at ease with distance. 

Also, when you were still here in the country, thank you for donwloading films for me. Nobody does that for me anymore. Thank you for being my food and coffee buddy. Thank you for bringing me to movie dates. Thank you for sitting beside me when Walking Dead gets really scary! Thank you for liking my little cats (please stop getting jealous with Dylan the Great already!). I look forward to all of these stuffs again, when you get back. 

With that, thank you for all the memories, and the others yet to come. In time, Mahal. 

Thank you for understanding me when I get so moody and just stupidly angry over petty maters. By now, you would know that I am the master of exaggeration. When I see a little fault, I always want to make it big. I don't know why I do that. I also don't want to do that anymore. But I keep on doing it still. So really! Thank you for stretching your thread of patience a little more, and a little more, all the time!

Thank you for your loyalty and stick to one attitude. Guys like you are a rarity. So, be sure to never change that OK? Or else! You know what will happen. 

And just thank you for your immeasurable love for me. 

***
That's the happy part of this letter because unfortunately, there is a "not so happy" part.

And it begins with my wish for us to keep strong. I know things sometimes feel easier than we expected but harder times are ahead us. It can't be helped. You are there, and I am here. 

There are temptations, misunderstandings, unbearable longings, and worst of all, actually growing apart. 

Let us never let that happen. Let's promise each other that when everything seems to be falling apart, we'll work harder to fix the broken parts, and work even harder to catch one another. 

Also, I also want to share to you how lately, people are showing me that second chances are possible. So if ever we do something horrible to each other, we forgive. We open our hearts and minds. And we believe in our love. 

***
I wish you all the best wherever you are, here or in the US, or other countries even. But believe me when I say that the secret to success is to dream. Sounds too idealist, but a person who dreams is a person who lives. So I hope you dream Mahal. Dream to become something, someone. Dreams are very important. 

And of course, do your hardest to achieve that dream. I am just always here to support you. 

Don't forget too that if you're feeling down there in that foreign land, family, friends and others are missing you here in the Philippines. I hope you continue to share to me whatever problems you are having there. I'll always listen and give the meanest advice. Hahaha! You know me!

And believe me, I still don't plan on living there. I reminded you about dreams earlier, so let me remind you that my dreams are grounded here in our country. Para kay Inang Bayan.

People can think all they want that I'll follow you there, but I won't. You have no other choice but to get back here. 

***
Many do not believe in long distance relationships. I can't blame them, really. I might even agree at some point. 

But what I actually believe in--more than the relationship--is you. I believe you. 

Happy first year. May this be the beginning of forever. 


Yours truly/XOXO, 


Eula/Euden/Den

"Bill"

It was late, close to 11 in the evening when I boarded the jeepney, the last public utility vehicle I had to take before I got home. It's a 10- to 15-minute ride considering the time. There were barely any people, and therefore less vehicles on the road, meaning no more traffic. 

I took my seat. There were a few people inside the jeepney. The driver was much in hurry to fill up with passengers so he took off right after I was settled. 

On my one side is a mother and son, the boy perhaps in high school already, and then on the other, is a guy I didn't spare time to look closely at. In front of me is a college student, beside this guy is two more guys. Farther away is a lola, with baskets of what's left of her paninda. 

But what caught my attention was the two guys, seated in front of the mother and son. One of the two is maybe a few years younger than me. Seating closely beside him is what seemed to me a boy. He really looks young. 

Their closeness bothered me. Their shoulders were stuck together. And I looked at them wondering if they were somehow related. The older guy surely became aware of my presence and immediately, he caressed the knee of the young boy. 

I was sure he wanted me to know. 

And then, they suddenly seemed more animated, comfortable with the people they were with. They were talking, they were fooling around. And I bet the other passengers were getting the picture. 

At one point, I looked closely and listened to the speeches of the younger boy, I realized he isn't really that young anymore. He talked and he knew what he was talking about. His looks were totally deceiving. Young, innocent, a pretty boy. 

No wonder the older gay--who by now you would have realized was gay--was into him. 

See, don't get me wrong. I do not discriminate or disagree with gay relationships. I don't give a fuck if they fuck. As long as they do me no harm to me. In this case, they weren't really doing me any harm. So, I let them be. 

Only, I just really observe too much. 

And it didn't escape my eyes when the gay one handed a bill to the pretty boy, which he immediately pocketed. 

And I couldn't help but pity all the gay people in the world who pay, literally, to get their desires, or worse, to find the love that they don't deserve. 

***

This is the beginning my new blog series that will immortalize how I see the world. I still don't have a name for this. Everything is just so vague yet. It will be a work in progress. Thank you friends for sparing me.