A Love Story

Let me tell you about a time when I fell in love. It was a time when I was most frantic, a little too eager, wanting to stir time ahead of its wheels. I just wanted to prove something, and it wasn't even for myself to think with. I was beating a deadline when there was none. It was because I felt different from the rest of the world. 


I was hurt, why can't anybody love me? I thought I am not waiting anymore. And that's the stupidest part of this tale. I might try to sound poetic, yet, I know, I had been stupid. But, when you finish reading this, you'll know I do not regret a smallest thing from this venture of the heart. 


The meeting, was unconventional. It involved nothing of "boy looks into the eyes of the girl, vice versa, and there was magic" sort. It was too modern, it only needed technology, the Internet. Too common landings nowadays. 


But I cannot be thankful enough. More than anything, I know I have found a true friend. At the beginning, he was just the personification of a silly woman's dream man--each woman's description of a dream man varies but this one just fits mine. Just that. And then a friend. And then..


What am I supposed to do? When you meet someone that exactly defined your ideal man what would you do? You would want to get more? Wouldn't you? 


Talking had been easy, laughing had been plenty. Beliefs, lessons, experiences, passions, they never ran dry. Always, there was something to share. Maybe I had given too much. I was like an open book, pouring every conversation we had. Maybe he'd noticed, even before I did, that I was falling. Maybe and maybe not.

But it was my fault altogether. I remembered, there were nights I cried. Even before I was sure I like him, I knew that I'll never have him. That's why I cried, and I prayed. I prayed to God, why can't he be the one. 


Because I just know he will never be the one. I just felt it, despite all the conversations, I know I was never there at the bottom of his heart. Never. 


And so I confessed, "Gusto kita."


"May mahal na akong iba."


I did not cry. It hurt, yes, but even before, I had been hurt. Do you think I would cry at night if I wasn't hurt? The tears only come once. 


Then I was proud of myself. 


Because I had been too hard on me. I think the love for the man, it did not came naturally. I was the one who kept digging my grave. Deeper and deeper. I was blinded by the words "ideal," "dream," "knight in shining armor." Obviously he fell short. He was that, but he just did not like me back. 


So I am proud of myself. I just needed that, a slap in the face! I don't like second guesses! I doubt benefits of the doubts! I needed to stop. 


And I did. I stopped. I don't like, or yeah, love him anymore. But he's an eternal friend. He's a confidant. From all these, somehow, we managed to gain the trust of one another. I think this part I'm not imagining. Anything I can openly tell at him, it doesn't need to be important. 


One time we talked, he told me to look at the site of him and his girlfriend. I was all smiles. I was so happy for him, he finally found the one he loved and the one who loved him back. I felt proud of him. 


Then I thought, I felt proudest of myself. 


I know he'd read this, but we can pretend he didn't. :)