Gray skies

"You are an artist if you see the beauty in things"--read one post I randomly encountered in Facebook. 

I am not saying that that basis is enough to determine one as an artist. But what is true is that I am one to always see the beauty in the simplest and most ignored things. I just do. 

One day last week, I was on a cab on my way to another coverage for the lifestyle pages of our newspaper. I was going to one of Makati City's five-star hotels. 

As customary, the route I asked the cab to take was the one passing by Bonifacio Global City (BGC). The way that connected to the McKinley Road, which passed by the heritage Forbes (taxi drivers pronounce this as For-bes) Village, and exited straight to EDSA and Makati Ave. intersection. 

Anyways, road directions bores me. Haha!

What actually amused me was how it was a gloomy day, the skies were cast gray, and the rising BGC skyline stood still in time. 

The towering babels, no matter how proud they looked, could not overcome the rawness of the moment. It was nature having a hand on things, on me. 

Though it didn't seem that it was about to rain hard, few trickles softly touched the glass window. How I wanted those to feel those trickles touch my face. 

***

And just when I thought my reverie was over, here came the acacia trees-line McKinley Road inside the Forbes. 

And by gods, I believe mystery itself came down to cease the hundred-year-old trees. The canopy of the majestic trees hover above the car, and there was mist forming. The ancient mansions loom on both sides of the road. And again, time stood still. It was history right there and then. Just surreal. 

***

The world indeed, is beautiful. 

Highway

Let me tell you of the loneliest road trip of my life. 

It happened when the man I love most was sitting and sleeping beside me inside a cramped car, and yet, despite the closeness, I knew that he was about to go some where far away. And I dreaded the thought the most. 

But I couldn't help but think of it. We still had some more time together. Like now. It was dawn then. It was dawn. And the car was keeping a steady and speedy phase. The highway was clean, few cars either passed us by, or was already up ahead of us on the long road. 

I was seated next to the right door and window, meaning he was seating at my left. Note that I had the right view. 

Meanwhile, his dad was the one steering the wheel and beside him was his mom. We were on our way for a week-long vacation. My excitement was vanishing. 

I felt his warmth beside me, but I did not look at him. I was only looking outside the window and everything was gray. The leaves of the sporadic trees lined up along the road were dull. Green was my favorite color, but not that time. The the lampposts, the soil, the grass, the rice fields, the mountains far beyond were all gloomy. 

Were dawns supposed to be that tragic? You knew the darkness of the night was over and yet, were was the light?

That moment of searching seemed to reflect what was brewing inside me. Were was my happiness? Wasn't this heavy man, whose weight was upon me, supposed to bring me happiness? 

And for the first time ever, I realized he was bringing me loneliness. He was leaving me for another country, a different life. I would be left here. He was bound there. And what would happen to us? 

Questions. Doubts. Fear. These flooded my mind. Why did fate chose to pull us apart? I was tormenting. And the absence of life on the road and the view was intensifying everything. And it just kept stretching on and on, the south-bound super highway. 

Suddenly, I just wanted to hold him tight. So I faced him. 

And what I saw was beyond me or him. It was beyond everything. It was the break of dawn. There was the light. It was with him all along. 

The sun was but a tiny spec on the horizon but it was already brightly orange-lit. The sky on his side was starting to get infected by the blaze. Crimson shades were starting to further out. And the vibrant light was seeping into the leaves of the trees giving it a lovely glow. 

There was so much color already and in no time, my side of the horizon will be reached as well. 

I rested my head on his shoulder to wonder some more on this beautiful thing. Sometimes, one only needed a change of perspective. 

An Open Letter to JC Abueg

An open letter to the man...
...that shows me kindness;
offers me trust;
gives me happiness;
completes my life;
loves me, and I love back.
This letter is for the man named JC Abueg, solely for him. Only, I am letting you, and everybody else, read it as well. Because, I want the world to know how much I love him. Just so he knows how much I am truly proud of him.

Dear Mahal, 

Happy first anniversary. Just saying it makes me smile. :) One year--such a small digit but it already means a lot to me, and I know, to you as well. 

So much so that I don't even know where to begin with! I wish there's some kind of chronological order for explaining things like falling in love that I can follow. 

But there's none. So I will follow my heart instead. 

And the first thing it says is: I love you. 

I love you. 

Saying that feels enough already. I could already end this letter! Kidding! I won't coz that's boring (especially for your other readers). ;)

*** The second thing that comes to my mind is: Thank you. 

Thank you for everything! And everything means EVERYTHING! The kisses, the touches, the hugs, and, sorry but I have to stop there! :P 

Thank you also for your kindness, for the trust, for your efforts, and for including me in your lifelong plans. 

Thank you for always thinking of me. I know you always think of me. 

Thanks because you still miss me as if you just went to a faraway land yesterday. Your longing for me does not wane, rather it seems to intensify the longer we spend time "not together." And I think that is good. I don't want us getting very at ease with distance. 

Also, when you were still here in the country, thank you for donwloading films for me. Nobody does that for me anymore. Thank you for being my food and coffee buddy. Thank you for bringing me to movie dates. Thank you for sitting beside me when Walking Dead gets really scary! Thank you for liking my little cats (please stop getting jealous with Dylan the Great already!). I look forward to all of these stuffs again, when you get back. 

With that, thank you for all the memories, and the others yet to come. In time, Mahal. 

Thank you for understanding me when I get so moody and just stupidly angry over petty maters. By now, you would know that I am the master of exaggeration. When I see a little fault, I always want to make it big. I don't know why I do that. I also don't want to do that anymore. But I keep on doing it still. So really! Thank you for stretching your thread of patience a little more, and a little more, all the time!

Thank you for your loyalty and stick to one attitude. Guys like you are a rarity. So, be sure to never change that OK? Or else! You know what will happen. 

And just thank you for your immeasurable love for me. 

***
That's the happy part of this letter because unfortunately, there is a "not so happy" part.

And it begins with my wish for us to keep strong. I know things sometimes feel easier than we expected but harder times are ahead us. It can't be helped. You are there, and I am here. 

There are temptations, misunderstandings, unbearable longings, and worst of all, actually growing apart. 

Let us never let that happen. Let's promise each other that when everything seems to be falling apart, we'll work harder to fix the broken parts, and work even harder to catch one another. 

Also, I also want to share to you how lately, people are showing me that second chances are possible. So if ever we do something horrible to each other, we forgive. We open our hearts and minds. And we believe in our love. 

***
I wish you all the best wherever you are, here or in the US, or other countries even. But believe me when I say that the secret to success is to dream. Sounds too idealist, but a person who dreams is a person who lives. So I hope you dream Mahal. Dream to become something, someone. Dreams are very important. 

And of course, do your hardest to achieve that dream. I am just always here to support you. 

Don't forget too that if you're feeling down there in that foreign land, family, friends and others are missing you here in the Philippines. I hope you continue to share to me whatever problems you are having there. I'll always listen and give the meanest advice. Hahaha! You know me!

And believe me, I still don't plan on living there. I reminded you about dreams earlier, so let me remind you that my dreams are grounded here in our country. Para kay Inang Bayan.

People can think all they want that I'll follow you there, but I won't. You have no other choice but to get back here. 

***
Many do not believe in long distance relationships. I can't blame them, really. I might even agree at some point. 

But what I actually believe in--more than the relationship--is you. I believe you. 

Happy first year. May this be the beginning of forever. 


Yours truly/XOXO, 


Eula/Euden/Den