Love a-faring

For the past few years, what has happened to my so-called love affairs, or the lack of it? I just wanted to make some assessments. 

So far, I have been single despite some attempts on the part of a few men, followed by attempts on my part. And thinking hard, why has every little thing been a failure so far? (There have been regrets on some stories and no regrets on others.)

These last two years, men just seem to leave me hanging. I really dunno. Every instance seem to end up badly. Right when I'm right there in the middle of being ready to give it my all, the specie of man seem to just disappoint me. Or it could be that I disappoint them. Or both. 

For whatever reasons, expectations and emotions just don't seem to meet. However, as the turn of events unfold, I always end up the one feeling like a loser. Yes, beaten, busted, angered, empty and alone. 

All of which leaves me to a conclusion. That from now and beyond (who knows) I am officially quitting my hopeless romantic fantasies of princess meets the knight in shining armor. No more patiently and stupidly waiting for 'the one.' How many times had I thought that he's the one?! Many times and yet I only get hurt. No fairytale endings I suppose. 

A recent incident is the reason for all of this introspection. There's a guy willing to take a chance, but what did I do? I ruined it. I ruined it before he ruins it. Alas. I've no trust in myself anymore. I just felt that I was in the brink of being dropped to the ground again. And so, even if he really wouldn't do so, I accused him of doing so. For the fear of being left again. 

It's awful. I am self-destructing. This is such a dysfunctional take on love and boyfriends and flirting and falling and failing and love again. 

Before I was the brave one. Before my heart would keep on fighting. But that was before. And until I learn to trust myself again . . .